High School is Nothing Like the Movies...

For the ladies reading this, it was probably at one of the many all-girl sleepovers held during junior high at which you and your friends stayed up all night to talk about how cute Adrian Grenier and Shane West were, or how you couldn’t have been more disgusted with the nasty nose-picking boys that sat next to you (sorry guys, we know you’re working on it). For the guys, it was probably due to a momentary lapse of judgment, or you were forced by your sister, or you had a serious crush on Kirsten Dunst and thought “Dude, she is soo hot,” in your super cool self-righteous preadolescent mind. Maybe, however, I am turning the clock back a little too far. Maybe for many (although I’m sure quite a few won’t admit it) it was only within this past year or so that you witnessed the latest installment(s) of film entertainment supposedly based on the high school experience and just couldn’t resist because “OH MY GAWD, ZAC EFRON!” or, just maybe, “Dude , Ashley Tisdale is like 24, seriously man, and that Vanessa chick, dude, she’s I mean, you know.” (No translation necessary). Oh yes, for whatever reason we have all at one point or another seen at least one of these cinematic treasures. I’m willing to bet even Mr. Drye has seen one or two (hmmm, that would make for a good interview topic).

I’m sure you’ve gathered by now from the title of this little article and verbose intro that I am referring to those teen movies about the phenomenon that is high school.  Film production companies were pushing these into movie theaters at the turn of the millennium as if they were coming off a Ford assembly line.  In fact, it was no concern if the screenplays of all the films were identical.  And now, there’s a whole new collection of cinematic milestones being introduced to the next generation of ‘tweens’ by the same companies. It is no doubt that these glorious displays of talent, time, and money, (did I mention money?) will inevitably turn into an integral part of this generation’s cultural identity, influencing their taste in clothes, their attitudes, and their behavior —even the kind of energy drink they buy at lunch— just as these media has influenced youth since the beginning of time (okay, since the beginning of TV, but seriously, how many of you didn’t even know there was a difference).  Now if I was the CEO of Gatorade, I’d be making friends with Miley and her dad, like yesterday.

So, I have to admit that I could honestly write a novel about this; I could write a bible of teen movies, but our lunches are only so long, and it’s only a few seconds before the teacher will turn around and tell you to put the newspaper away. With that, let’s take a look back at some of the best (oh yes, don’t deny it, but you do have a list of the best teen movies ever made), and some of the worst. When we’re done, let’s see if we can honestly differentiate between the two.

It all started with Molly. Technically Mr. Hughes, Mr. John Hughes, who then discovered Molly Ringwald. Regardless, it was the brat pack movies of the glorious 1980s that catapulted this idea of teen royalty into being. Out of reverence, I mention Pretty in Pink and The Breakfast Club (I know there were a number of teen flicks form decades earlier, but again for this generation of current teens, it all started in the 80s).   And, I must pay homage to the Cusak duo— Say Anything. Then the companies got a little braver and we saw films such as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Risky Business among others that were much raunchier.   Again, I could elaborate to no end, but we must move on.

Now the oh-so fashionable 90s. Really, why won’t they bring back the flannel shirt/leather jacket combo? I digress. So, with the end of the 1900s in sight, the American youth at the time is given representation in films such as She’s All That (Freddie, Freddie, Freddie), of course, Clueless, and the unforgettable classic, TEN Things I Hate About You. Heath, it’s just not the same without you. It never will be. Ever again.

All right, the advent of the new millennium is upon us, what better time than now to refresh the image and priorities of the younger generations by revamping the media? Well, according to the big shot advertisers —who can’t really get effective product placement in, say, a documentary about the underprivileged living in our own communities, or a period piece about the President Teddy Roosevelt, as they could in, say, Prom Night (take a look at the Midol scene)— there is a better time. That time would be never. Quickly, the 2000s  allow Bring It On, Van Wilder, and of course, Crossroads to grace the big screen (Crossroads— I will never get those two hours back).  How can I not mention HSM1-3? Classics among more classics that shall not be named.

Now that we’ve taken a brief glance into the past generations of teens through film, the realities of high school seem to hit us like a ton of bricks. So, prom really isn’t held at the Drake Hotel downtown? Wait, Freddie Prinz Jr. was supposed to be a senior in high school? There’s real homework? You’re telling me that teachers like Mr. Drye aren’t going to burst into song and dance while teaching or coaching basketball? Wait, WHAT?! This is supposed to be “the best time of my life!” Your telling me that thinking for myself is actually way easier than how its depicted in the movies where the protagonist is subject to a social crucifixion after doing something remotely independent-minded? Oh, yes. And the biggest realization of them all, is that high school is not always, in fact not ever, as dramatic or heartbreaking as it’s often portrayed.

Yes. Again, I could go on. And on. On about high school, and on about the media, and on about my own really lame expectations of high school that I formed on my own and with the help of certain gems within the art of film. However, I must stop ranting. I will leave you with this final thought— high school doesn’t have to be like any movie to be worthwhile, and even though there are quite a few nondescript days that seem to last for an eternity, just imagining Mr. Drye bursting into a choreographed musical number while coaching really helps those slower moments pass in the blink of an eye. “Getcha’ head in the game!”